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Post by Scar Tylers on Jun 17, 2008 19:40:23 GMT -5
He took a deep breath from not exploding when she had whacked him it wasn't like it had hurt him but what made her think that she could keep doing that? He grabbed her hand not hard but it wasn't that gentle. Through gritted teeth he spoke up again. " Don't talk to me like that or hit or whack me again or your going to be sorry.." he stated he had went sort of soft for awhile during his break down but he knew he couldn't let that last after all she had started calling him stupid, dumb and whacking him and being just plain bossy. He wasn't going to sit there and take it. But for a moment he thought back to his younger years her attitude really didn't change much and he had a small smile on his face as he thought back to his younger days his happier days then he snapped back in reality shaking his head again at her. " Yeah because I am rough and tough and if you don't like it leave.. like I've said many times before but you don't seem to leave.." he stated. He sighed a bit shaking his head. " Your not going to get the old me back Jennifer, your just not, no matter how much time you spend with me I'm still going to be Scar.. I can't change.." he stated.
He ignored her comment on the stupid thing and acted as if he didn't hear it. He nodded when she asked if it was bad that she cared about him every now and again. " Yeah, I don't want you to care.." he stated simple. " Know one should care about me hell my parent's don't even give a damn I could die tomorrow and they probable won't even show up to my funural..." he stated he half believe this to be true and the other half really didn't believe for one thing his parents kicked him out until he learned to behave and on the other hand his parents always called to check on him and wrote him letters during school begging him to come to his senses and grow up and stop acting like an ass.
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Post by Jennifer Boykin on Jun 17, 2008 19:59:00 GMT -5
She whimpered when he grabbed her wrist, fear appearing in her eyes. Damn, for a little while there he had made her forget that she was afraid of him. She had let go of her terror for a few seconds, let go of the fact that she had to keep her guard up around him. Jen knew that if she really had to and that if she could bring herself to do anything remotely painful to him she could get him to let go, but she couldn't do anything bad to him. All she did was talk mean sometimes to him, she couldn't really hurt him. Not him, anyone else, sure, but not him. "I'm not leaving, I've said that many times but you don't seem to get it either." She fired right back at him. There he went again, shaking his head for the fiftieth time today. "I will get you back. You're Sammy, no matter how hard you try to be Scar, you will always be Sammy. I have to change you…I need to." She said, her words breaking near the end. She had to change him…he was her life.
"Well too bad. I do care, and I'm not going to stop caring, so deal with it." She told him, not believing him at all. "That's a lie. Your parents call me, wondering if 'Sammy' has talked to me recently. They want to know when you're coming home, so uh, don't try that lie on me." She told him, crossing her arms. She knew that his parents loved him, why else would they bug her so much about him?
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Post by Scar Tylers on Jun 17, 2008 20:11:19 GMT -5
Scar had heard her whimper and regret washed over him as he quickly let go of her. " Sorry, If I hurt you.." he stated staring at the ground. " Why won't you leave?" he asked her. " Why do you need the old me back so much?" he asked her yet another question. " From what I see you don't need me or anything and your popular and what not I hear your name everywhere some may be gossip but I don't know, but I do know you have what almost every girl in the world dreams of at this school popularity and popular guys fawning all over them that are from the football team and what not so why it it so important that you have 'Sammy' too?" he asked her. " Why can't you just let me stay the person I want to be even if I may be disliked I will be strong.." he stated. " Thats all I need is to be strong I don't need friends or a family just my strength so that nothing like what happened to me happens again.."
He sighed a bit. " What do I have to do to make you not care?" he asked her. " Do I have to abuse you because I will.. I don't want to hurt you but if I have to, to not make you care anymore I will..." He glanced around. " Truth be told your probable in trouble just talking to me right now.. I'm a wanted man.." he stated. It wasn't the police but he defiantly made enemies and those guys would do anything to hurt him and that meant anyone that he cared about his family, friends anyone he even talked to they would hurt maybe that was why he also acted so crude maybe thats why he shut people out of his life so they didn't get hurt he really didn't know. But he had a feeling that know one was around right now because it was school property and not that easy to get in with out being a student here. " They kicked me out! They don't care when I'm coming home else they won't have done that.." he stated simple on the behalf of his parents.
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Post by Jennifer Boykin on Jun 17, 2008 20:38:38 GMT -5
She listened to him, the fear not leaving her eyes. She had to fight not to cower back from him, and she did give in a little bit, backing a way a step or two. She didn't do any more than that, but it was enough to prove something, she was terrified of Sam. Jen knew that it was a little stupid and a little smart all at once. Stupid, because she knew him and knew that if he was thinking right that he wouldn't hurt her if he could. Smart, because she also knew that he hadn't been thinking right for four years and that he could hurt her with a flick of his wrist. "I don't want any of that, Sam. I want you, I need you. You are my life, you're the reason I kept going. I grew up with you, and we grew into each other. We ceased to be two different people, and then you just ruthlessly crushed me. You blocked me out, and I had to keep going, I had to move on without you. I never got over not having you around, I'm not even really me anymore. No one's going to get to know me because I don't even know me." She groaned and shook her head. "I'd give it all up, everything, just to hang out with you. I don't want some hot guy from the football team, I don't give a damn about them. I just want you, Sam." She told him, wondering why he couldn't understand that. "What happened to you that made it so you can't stand to have me around? Huh? What happened that made it so you couldn't be strong and have people like you too? You know it is a possibility. You don't have to be an ass all the time." She threw her words at him, wishing she could understand him and that he would explain it to her.
She lifted an eyebrow and shook her head. "You can't make me stop caring, Sammy. You'd have to hurt me enough to kill me to make me begin to care a little less. I'm not going to stop, no matter how much 'danger' it gets me in, or how much it hurts me in the end." She told him, knowing that everything she said was the truth. She might end up hurt in the end, but she wouldn't quit caring about him. She couldn't quit caring about him. He was the only thing that really mattered to her, he was all she had left in life. So how in the world could she quit caring about him? "Your parents kicked SCAR out. Sammy's welcome anytime, you know that." She wasn't going to listen to him tell her that his parents didn't care about him. Well, they cared about Sammy, but he was pushing the point that Sammy didn't exist anymore.
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Post by Scar Tylers on Jun 17, 2008 20:56:43 GMT -5
He knew for a fact now that he did scare her and that was what he wanted from he start right? Well, he kept telling himself that but he knew it wasn't true deep down he really didn't like her scared of him but he wanted people not to mess with him and the only way he knew of how people would not mess with him was if they were scared of him. He didn't know how to react to her speech of wanting him Sam, Sammy he didn't know what to say and he certainly could not look at her. He sighed a bit putting his head in his hands and took a deep breath before speaking up again. There was that question he had wanted to avoid it for the rest of his life well half of him anyways but she sort of maybe possible deserved to know right. He took another deep shuddering breath leaving his head in his hands. " Your probable just going to laugh and call me weak now after I tell you why I became distant..." He stated simple at first. " But over the summer before HighSchool I was.." he swallowed hard. " I was raped.. I was weak and let it happen the guy told me it was my fault and if I wasn't so go damned weak that it won't have happened and I vowed not to let it happen again, and thats why I'm Scar.." he stated. He could not look up now he was in tears and he was a complete mess and he didn't want her to see him like that he didn't want anyone to see him like that this was the first time he had admitted this out loud. It was embarrassing and just something he wished he would of never lived through.
He sighed shaking his head at her when she said that she won't stop caring unless he killed her and he knew he could never go that far and he really couldn't even go as far as hitting her just the same he had grabbed her wrist and he regretted it now and he knew just regretting that would make him sick if he did the rest. " Well, my parents should still care for me even if I am Scar not just Sammy.." he stated simple. He really wished the subject of his parents would of never got brought up now.
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Post by Jennifer Boykin on Jun 17, 2008 21:14:23 GMT -5
She swallowed, tears springing into her eyes. Someone had touched him, hurt him, and then made him believe it was his fault? She acted on impulse, moving closer to him and hugging him until she remembered that he didn't like to be touched anymore. She pulled back slowly, wishing she could comfort him but knowing that he wouldn't let her touch him. "Sam, I wouldn't laugh at you about that. Jesus, I wish I was here over the summer, I wish I could've helped you even a little bit. Why didn't you tell anyone? You know they arrest people that do that. Oh my god, Sammy, why you?" She whispered the last words, pain lashing over her face for him. They had been almost like one person instead of two when they were little, they'd felt each others pain. She wished she could have been there to lighten the pain for him even a little bit. Why had her parents taken her from him that summer of all summers? She inhaled deeply, shaking her head, wishing she could make it all go away. Jen reached out to him, tilting his face up so that he could look at her. She had gone four years without looking at him, she didn't want him to hide his face from her for anything. Especially not something so little as tears. She attempted a smile and failed, moving to wipe away his tears. "Don't hide your tears from me, Sammy. I care about you, and the fact that some man touched you liked that doesn't make me not care. I wish you'd told me sooner. It doesn't change how I think about you, it doesn't make you weak in my eyes. I love you, Sam. I'm not going to stop because something kept us away for awhile." She told him, not wanting him to think that she was so superficial that she could stop caring or think someone was weak because they'd been raped. Her mother lived in fear that Jen would be raped every single day, that's why she'd made Jen learn how to protect herself before anything had happened.
"Your parents love you, not this guy that doesn't trust people. They love their child, not a man that came to take over his body." She told him, not really wanting to talk about his parents when more important things were weighing on both their minds.
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Post by Scar Tylers on Jun 18, 2008 8:15:34 GMT -5
Scar didn't move nor look up when she had hugged him he know felt to weak to even push her away he was sort of thankful though when she let go he was scared he would of just broke down even more. He shook his head again keeping his head in his hands when she asked the questions he should of been expecting those questions but he wasn't because he didn't know how to answer them but he never really had wanted to tell anyone he had just exploded that was probable the only reason why he told her he was almost to a mental break down. " Because I guess.. I figured the guy was just trying to teach me a lesson to get strong it won't have happened if I was... or I thought that people would laugh and much worse.." he stated. " So I.." he sighed stopping. " I really don't know..." he stated. He couldn't look at her when she tilted his face to look at her and wipe his tears. He didn't like anyone seeing him like this it made him seem weak and he flinched a bit but staying put not being able to tell her to stop. He just stared of into space wishing that the tears would just stop. He heard her speak again about still caring and some other things but he didn't comment anymore because he didn't know what else to say or how to really react. He had not had anyone really take the time to tell him they care about him in a long time so he sort of forgot the feeling.
He heard her mention his parents again and he sort of sighed. " Yeah, whatever.." he muttered a bit shaking his head again. He couldn't seem to help the head shaking situation it just kept happening today for some odd reason it was just when he had nothing better to say or he didn't agree. He was getting sick of talking about his parents though because he still really didn't think they cared about him it was there fault they couldn't love there son the way he was not his.. well, only part of it was his fault anyways he did change but that shouldn't matter to a mom or a dad.
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Post by Jennifer Boykin on Jun 18, 2008 10:07:35 GMT -5
She sighed, watching him carefully. Just because he was telling her what happened and he was letting her touch him now and again, didn't mean he couldn't shift his mood again. She was starting to wonder if he was bipolar. She banished the thoughts from her mind, focusing on him again. He was talking, explaining more of his past, telling her why he had made the decisions he had. "Sammy, it would have happened, no matter how strong you were. You were thirteen and he was at least two times your age, and probably size. You could've been stronger than your dad, it wouldn't have helped that single situation in your life. It was going to happen, no matter what." She told him, shrugging slightly. "No one laughs when someone's raped. It's a devastating moment, and no one knows how they're supposed to react, but they don't laugh." She added, knowing full well that her words couldn't undo his decisions in the past. She was just talking to keep him there, though she doubted that he would leave now, when he was in such a vulnerable state. She sighed when he refused to look at her, biting her lip. Jen smiled slightly, one of those apology smiles. If only she could make him look at her, but that was next to impossible, considering the fact that she couldn't control a damn thing he did.
"Yeah…" She said, sighing as he did. He didn't seem to want to talk about his parents, and who would right then? She didn't want to talk about how his parents had kicked him out. It made her slightly uncomfortable, they weren't her parents. She hadn't been kicked out. Then again, she hadn't gotten raped either. Jen realized that she didn't have that much in common with him any more.
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Post by Scar Tylers on Jun 18, 2008 16:27:10 GMT -5
Scar shook his head for like at least the hundredth time during there conversation. " No, not no matter what it would have happened. If I was a strong thirteen year old I could of kicked him or something else but no I wasn't thinking I wasn't strong I was like a piece of paper or something to that guy it was to easy I could barley struggle but If I was strong it would of never happened.." he stated he was still shaking his head. " Know one laughs well I think some people would laugh like the guy that did it and my friends they would think it was pretty funny that Scar of all people had that happened so don't tell me people won't laugh.." he stated simple he didn't say it in a rough tone or anything he just stated it for a fact and in a sort of knowing way.
Scar sighed a bit again rubbing the back of his neck and staring down at the ground still his tears were final slowly going away as he took a deep long shuttering breath the memories just kept flashing threw his head and he just needed them to stop.
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Post by Jennifer Boykin on Jun 18, 2008 16:40:09 GMT -5
She nodded and grimaced. "Yeah, actually, it would have. You were thirteen. Thirteen year olds aren't that strong, Sam. An eight year old can kick and so can a thirteen year old. So you didn't spend all day in a gym or learning self defense when you were thirteen, even if you did, you wouldn't have been able to stop him." She told him, lifting an eyebrow. Why did he think that because he wasn't strong when he was thirteen, he needed to be a loner and strong now? Sure, it helped to be strong, but hiding away from the world didn't help what had happened when he was thirteen. "The guy that did it to you is an ass hole, and I think he'd laugh now even though you're strong. And your friends…they aren't your friends if they'd laugh at you. Did I laugh? No. Would they laugh, maybe. It's only cause you put up this image of this guy that doesn't let anything affect him." Jen said, sighing and looking down for a minute and then back up at him.
She listened to him breath deeply, watched him touch his neck. He was uncomfortable again, she guessed. He'd done that before when he'd been either nervous or uncomfortable, so she supposed that was why he was doing it now. She grinned slightly. "Hey, tears aren't so bad now, that's good?" She said, her eyes hopeful that he wouldn't snap back at her with some sarcastic comment.
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Post by Scar Tylers on Jun 18, 2008 16:55:21 GMT -5
He sighed a bit not knowing what else to say or do because he really didn't feel like arguing anymore about this subject he really didn't feel like talking about this anymore and was already regretting telling someone about it. If he would of been smoking he probable would have kept his cool and not exploded like that but what was done was done. He still had not looked at her though because truthfully he really couldn't it was hard for him to look at her when he first saw her when she was at the fountain and now it was going to be even harder to look at her after he had told her what happened. " Can we just drop it?" he asked her still staring at the ground but there was almost a pleading look in his eyes saying please lets just not talk about this anymore.
The tears had final all left his eyes and he shook his head once again. " Tears.. Crying it's not my thing I don't like to cry it does make me weak crying is weak and I'm not that anymore.." he stated it was almost as if anything he did anymore was all targeted up to if he was allowed to do it or not by if it showed weakness therefore the only things he could do anymore was fighting and drinking and partying stuff that didn't make him look that way and crying, and being a softie and stuff like that just made him weak in his mind now anyways that was.
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Post by Jennifer Boykin on Jun 18, 2008 17:12:28 GMT -5
She nodded her head, attempting and failing to smile. "Of course, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." She said, keeping her tone calm and reassuring. It wasn't as hard to do as it had been a few moments before. She knew that she had to keep Sammy okish, and not ready to explode. He probably wasn't too happy with her, seeing as she'd gotten him to spill his secret. She hadn't done it on purpose, he'd told her when he could have told her to shut up again. Which might have been better because now she was the only one that knew his secret. Jen could keep a secret though, she'd been able to forever. She kept secrets with the ease of someone who didn't talk to anyone, which was really hard for her seeing as she talked to people almost every second of every day. She barely got enough alone time to sleep at night.
"Tears are sweet. And crying doesn't make you weak. Bottling up your emotions till you explode at random, now that tends to make you look kind of weak." She told him, lifting her eyebrows as she spoke. "No, you're not weak. You haven't been weak for four years…And sometimes I wish you were." She added, lowering her voice as she did so that her volume had dropped to a mutter. Jen let her eyes go wide and a thunderstruck look come on her face. She quickly covered up her expressions, looking away from him. She hoped he didn't hear that. He'd kill her for saying that.
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Post by Scar Tylers on Jun 18, 2008 17:32:33 GMT -5
Scar glanced at her before looking away after about ten seconds maybe a little before maybe a little after. He then gave a short weak smile just for the known fact that he was thankful that they did not have to talk about it anymore and that she wasn't going to have to be mean about it. " Thanks.." he stated simple. He sat up a bit leaning back to the fountain putting his knee up to his chest and the leg that was stabbed straight out in front him winching a bit as he did so. He closed his eyes for a few seconds just being silent thinking to himself before hoping his eyes back up nd glancing at her he really just wanted to get something else on his mind so he thought of the most random thing he could. " So... hows school going for you?" he asked her he really didn't like school anymore so he really didn't know how that could be the first thing to come to his mind but then again he was sort of staring at the school building. But he shrugged the thought of waiting for her to say something.
He heard her talk about crying now. " Tears may be sweet.. but I'm not a sweet guy.." he stated simple at first hearing the next part he really didn't know what to say it was sort of true the whole not crying and instead exploding. " Yeah.." he stated simple only agreeing to that much of it. He sighed a bit hearing her next comment about him beings Strong and not weak and how she wished he was sometimes weak so he spoke up. " I am sort of weak still.. I mean I just broke down.." he stated. " Thats some kind of weakness that I really wish I wouldn't of showed but I did.. probable not the type of weakness you were talking about though.." he stated with a slight shrug sort of glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes.
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Post by Jennifer Boykin on Jun 18, 2008 18:12:04 GMT -5
She shrugged and offered a small smile, letting the subject drop completely instead of dragging out the ending till he throttled her. She lifted a hand to her lips and stifled a laugh at the idea, though it probably wasn't that funny once you really thought about it. Just the image of him being so frustrated by her talking that he'd strangle her…it made her wish she could laugh, but she knew that he would look at her like she was mental, and maybe she was. Maybe she'd gone insane and had imagined this entire thing, then again her imagination wasn't that good. And she wasn't interesting enough to be mental. Now she was certain she had ADD, why wasn't she focusing. And wait, what did he just ask her. About school…So was he being random because they had nothing to talk about? She supposed. "It's…annoying. Ugh, I wish we could just, enjoy the living in school life without the school part added in." She said, chuckling slightly as she said it.
She laughed and shook her head, throwing him a slightly annoyed look. "You used to be." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "You aren't weak. You broke down for a millisecond but before you were threatening me. If I hadn't made you quit smoking for a little bit, you wouldn't have broken down. See, I sabotaged you." She laughed, biting her lip to tamp down the grin that was spreading on her face. "Nope, not it. You have two more guesses." She adamantly refused to grin, attempting to look serious.
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Post by Scar Tylers on Jun 18, 2008 19:10:18 GMT -5
He had heard her answer on the school question and rubbed the back of his neck giving her a confused look, how could you live a school life with out the school part in it? He asked himself maybe he was really as stupid as she thought because he couldn't get it. The whole time as he was thinking he had the same confused look on his face still trying to figure it up. After awhile though he gave up and turned to her looking at her weird." Huh?" he asked simple. " To have a school life don't you have to have a school part in it?" he asked her rubbing the back of his neck still, sort of confusing himself even more with his thoughts. He gave her a glare but he knew she probable won't understand why he had done the glare but it wasn't only because he was extremely confused now and part of it was his fault now too.
" Yeah, I used to be and that was four years ago when I was still Sam and this is now and I'm Scar and Scar is not a sweet guy.. you could probable guess that with the same too Scar does not seem like the name of a sweetheart.." he stated with a slight shrug of his shoulders. He gave her yet another glare but it wasn't his normal I'm mad at you glare it was more of a fake glare but he wasn't sure if she knew that or not but if she didn't he didn't think of it as a big deal. " That's right it was all your fault from the beginning you made me break down! I blame you! I'm going to get you for that.." he stated with a serious expression on his face as he spoke.
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